Insight

Have you ever sat in a church service and felt like the message was from God directly to you? I bawled all through church today, because I felt the holy spirit speaking to me so directly. The message was on prayer, and our pastor started the sermon by saying "Do any of you feel dissatisfied with your prayer life? Do you feel like your prayers are just bouncing off the ceiling? Do you feel like there is sometimes no point in praying, because nothing you pray for ever happens???" This is exactly what I have been going through lately. I look at this situation with our business at a stand still and I feel like God is just ignoring me. I pray and pray for a breakthough and just get frustrated because nothing happens. God really convicted me today. I am praying so selfishly. When was the last time that I came to God with no agenda? When I just wanted to chat and spend time with him without expecting something from him? Our pastor reminded us that God is not a genie in a bottle. You don't just come to him when you want something. Here I am, blessed out of my mind, and all I can think about is how God isn't giving me this one thing that I am asking him for. You know what? So what if he doesn't! He has already given me way more than I deserve!!! If God has given me this dream (to start this business), he knows that it is important to me, and he may or may not bring it to reality. But I was reminded of the story of Abraham and Issac today. Do I love my dream more than I love God? Would I be willing to give up the dream, and give it to him? Do I trust him enough to give it back to him, and say "God, whether this happens or not, I love you. I know you will take care of me. I know you know what's best for me." Is my main goal to become like Jesus and to bring glory to God??? It occured to me today that God may be more concerned with the changes that occur IN ME during this time of trials than he is with bringing the trial to an end on my time schedule. Maybe he just wants to make me more like Jesus. I want my prayer life to be vibrant. I want the conversation between my Jesus and me to be continuous, like breathing. I want to sit in the Lord's prescence and just be with him and enjoy him, and not try to manipulate him. He is God- and I trust his character. He has plans for me to prosper me, and to give me a hope and future. I believe him when he says that.