Goodbye

It's amazing how your life can change in a single minute. One minute you are laughing and having fun, and the next minute your legs have given out from under you and you are sobbing uncontrollably in the middle of the Tropicana casino while everyone looks at you like you are insane. One minute you are on a date with your husband and enjoying your vacation, and the next minute you are listening to the phone call that will flip your life on it's ear. One minute you have a father, and the next minute you find out that he is gone.
I am on an overnight flight right now, heading home from Las Vegas. This is not at all how I thought this blog post would go. Tonight was me and Calebs last night in Vegas. We were supposed to leave for home tomorrow morning. We had a great trip and decided to spend our last night in Vegas listening to a comedian. We had literally been laughing for the last hour and were just walking out of the theater when Calebs phone rang. I knew right away that something was very very wrong. It was my mon calling with the news that would turn my laughter to tears. My father had been killed in a motorcycle accident. He was returning home from an evening church service.
The grief rolls over you in waves. Each new realization is a fresh loss. I mourn not only for me, but for Loralie who has lost her Boppa, and for my mom, who has lost her best friend. I can't believe that this has really happened! It just doesn't seem like it could be real. Why would God take my Dad now, when we need him so desparately?
The last time I talked to my Dad was just yesterday. I called him from Vegas to see how Loralie was doing and to ask him an unimportant question. He had just spent the morning with Loralie. The last thing I said to him was "goodbye! I love you! I will see you soon.". Which I guess is a pretty good way to leave things. But what I would give for one more hour. There is so much that I would tell my Dad if I had the chance. I would tell him that I love him so so much and that I am so very proud of him. I would tell him that he was the best Daddy and Grandpa that we could ask for. I would tell him how much I admire and respect him. I would tell him that I will tell Loralie lots of stories about him as she grows, and especially that her Boppa loved her with all if his heart.
The last time our family was all together was last Sunday. We all went to church together and then went out to pizza street for lunch. My Dad sat across the table from me and fawned over Loralie the whole time. He fed her an entire bowl of ice cream, even though she didn't eat her pizza like mama wanted.
There is so much that my Dad will miss. Loralies birthday parties. Watching her and Ada grow up. Going to her high school graduation. Her wedding. Nothing will ever be the same again.
My Dad got to see Jesus today. He got to give him a big hug. He got to see his own parents and his little brother Greg. I bet they are showing him around and catching up on all the things they have missed. He is telling his parents all about Loralie and Ada and how wonderful they are. He isn't in pain, and he isn't worried or sad. But I am. My heart is broken in a million little pieces.
I can honestly say that this is the worst night of my life. I miss you already Dad. I love you, and I will see you soon.